Admitting To Having An Affair

To start, made a promise to keep things in check this time.

Not going overboard, and end up hurt again.  Keep things controlled, no getting emotionally invested in the whole thing.  Just have a little fun.

Go in to it expecting really just entertainment, enjoyment, and sure, exercise – with benefits.  That sums it up about right, but how long would that last?

Couple of weeks?  A month?  Then, increasingly, a stolen hour a few times a week wasn’t enough.

Didn’t take long until pain was unavoidable, and everything was back to the same wicked cycle, off, then on, that started decades ago.

Hang on.  It’s about running.

Long Distance Running – something so painful and joyful at the same time.  A source of simple bliss many relinquish in childhood.

It’s all there, available to anyone willing to pay the price.  Sweat, time, achy bones and joints, and a fear of the small possibility of being unable to stop until the feet have turned in to bloody stumps.  Exaggeration, but still feels like it sometime.

Some tear up to the Budweiser Clydesdale commercials.  I do on the rare occasion I happen to click on a link and there’s a really good kick in the 1500 track or 5K and the soundtrack is just right.

Now you know.

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For every runner, there’s 10 people out there waiting to ask Just Why Do You Run?

No precise answer, but here’s a try, then we’ll go back to horse blogging.  Just one time, so you’ll know why I never call, text, or e-mail you back; between these two sports there’s no time.

Besides, someone said to write the post that makes me cringe – and lengthy, TMI personal posts do just that.  So, here ya’ go.

Running for the sheer bliss of moving through the air without walking.  For the slow tightening of that snare around the neck, shoulder to shoulder.  There’s strength and beauty in that, and a privilege just to be able to take part.

I run for the flicker of light through the trees.

Small glimmers.

They bounce and reflect in a way they only do when running.  For a little wave from some dried grass when you go by, considering stopping or turning, but then who’d stop when grass is waving to you?  And then you wonder about that, and if that’s even a good thing to think about – that’s just an ugly weed anyway, but weeds are still green in August here, and suddenly another mile clicks, you’re still going, all is well again.

Running for the bubbly feel of knowing you’ve outsmarted things all over again and got the body to move faster than it thought it could, or should, and now, finally, you can rest.  How can you walk so slow when you run so well?…

Feeling sorry for any one that has to ask.  Since it means you just don’t know – don’t know how wonderful it can be.  I’m so sorry you’re left without.  Remembering to have empathy for that, I allow you to ridicule the Lore Of Running, nodding in agreement – “I know, it’s a silly sport.”

I run because on good days, there’s power enough to tell that brick-orange, cushiony, smirking track that Yes, shhh, you do belong there, it’s OK to drop the pace to sub-5 minute on older bones at least a short while. Dying-whale thighs turned-pistons and somehow you can lift your self up and go.  Punch through the air, ignore the feeling of falling at speed and instead marvel at the feet still going, and going.

running

Flickering light through leaves.  A fleck of light.  Fickle.  Wondering which would best describe it.  Talking about weird and silly things while running with your friends, and often serious and more difficult things while breathing in, and out, and in again.  Until that weekly Long Run is over and you still don’t know the answer.

Running, because in doing so with someone else you touch a side of their personality they haven’t even defined to themselves, and isn’t that a great and marvelous thing to share?

Running, to visit someone who only comes out at races.  Still not sure just who that is, it’s so dark and you’re straining to stay straight, any additional move is a waste of energy.  You say Hello, glad at least one of you is serious, knowing she’s GOT this.  Can’t put your finger on just why this silly race is important at all, but now it is, as she rants about not dropping the pace.

Running to relax.  To think about silly things like “If an ice-cube falls on the floor, and you rinse it off, is it clean again?  Or does bacteria cling to ice?”  What about soap, does it expire?  And what’s my stride rate if I hit 16 on the right leg for 10 seconds?  Let’s see, multiply that by six and then by two.  The goal is 180, I think that’s over 190!  What?  Impossible to calculate while also running hard.  And, why can’t we do math while running hard?

I run, because those rare rest-run days, where things feel SO easy it almost doesn’t feel like any work at all.

Running because inevitably, the body will need help with just the simplest things, a stair will be a mountain, and when there, I want to rest, knowing I used up every opportunity to enjoy, for as long as it was possible.

 

Beauty in running.  Young girls in a group, early evening, pony tails out like flags behind them.  A strong back, that just develops, you don’t really see it, but how kind of it to show up, helping keep things upright, through so much pain and for so long.  Hip angles, when they go fast – have you looked at how pretty they are? Mine haven’t given up yet, even though they’re almost ready.

Abused feet, complain and groan but stay wiry and sinewy strong to push thousands of steps, every day.  Every day!  Who does that?!  Good little ugly feet.

End of post.  That was way too long.

14 thoughts on “Admitting To Having An Affair

  1. All I can say is, if you enjoy running then go for it with no apologies! I have never been a runner, and never will. And not because I never tried it. I just don’t enjoy it. Would rather take a 5-mile hike instead. My guy (who is a runner, and former marathoner before his knees gave out) and I go out together. I walk, he runs. He gets in twice the distance that I do because he will run off and then run back to wherever I am. Works for us…!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Love it Alli!
      I’d like to do that with my husband. Just not sure if he’d enjoy it. Last summer we got some hiking in together. Thinking I should try it this year, and get a few miles of running in, sort of in the middle of the hike maybe 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I used to love to run. It was my meditation. My zen.
    After being in the Marines I hated it. Deep down hated it.
    I did discover I like trail running, but I hate the ticks and deer flies.

    Where do you run? Roads, trails, indoor?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You won’t believe how many I’ve had tell me something along this line. Something about the army/marines/navy or what have you, that really kills off the joy of running. What’s up with that!?
      To get away from the deer flies, just head out on the trails once summer and early fall is over, and you’re golden 🙂
      I run mostly roads, staying as much as possible on the nicer graveled paths to the next of the asphalt to save the joints. Also get in some trail running. Especially August through November when we’ll train and race x country, where we add hill training and training on deep-ish, uneven grass (ugh). Then I have a treadmill in my bedroom for short workouts when it’s simply too hot in the afternoons even for a quick 3 miler (feels like that’s almost 5 months out of the year haha).
      Um, well. So. All of the above 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I have tried running off and on for years and it never really clicked for me. Hiking in the woods for hours? yes. My heart would soar even though my legs were screaming. But I get that those who love it really love it. It must be like horses- in the blood or not.

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    1. Some just really hate running. And I get that, because when out of shape and trying to start just easy jogging for some 20 minutes or so, it truly feels like a very punishing activity, no joke.
      My pet peeve sport is swimming. I end up feeling trapped, bored, and asthmatic, and slow.
      Hiking?! Yes mam!! But get this – it usually ends up hurting my knees, in a way a 10 miler running can’t. Go figure…

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  4. I was on the track team in high school. I loved to run and felt several of the emotions you describe here. But once I went on to university it never occurred to me to run unless it was for a bus.
    Now my various replaced body parts do not encourage running but on those rare occasions when I have to jog a horse I am amazed that I can still stride out and the memory of running comes back. Thanks for this post. I really enjoyed it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you liked it!
      Many have a love/hate relationship with running. It’s truly a punishing activity…
      Still. Whenever I’ve had a long break from it due to injury, it’s always so nice to get into that rythm again – the steps and the breathing. Almost as nice as horse smell 🙂

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  5. Nice hook. I found your post through the random posts on the WP reader and expected a different topic. Was pleasantly surprised to find inspiration to get into running. Will try a longer run next time I go to the gym. Thanks.

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  6. I hate running on a treadmill or running in an indoor track. But running outside with a beautiful scenery is just amazing! There is a lake near by my house and during the months when the weather is nice, I love running near it.

    I love the way you write by the way.

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